Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?