literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much