dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.