Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

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  (540): is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO? http://tfl.nu/qgse
  Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (555)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

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  (419): Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them. http://tfl.nu/vhc8
  Replies (42) Good night (6077) Bad night (662)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.

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  (317): I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure. http://tfl.nu/rujq
  Replies (23) Good night (834) Bad night (4376)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed

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  (732): i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed http://tfl.nu/l1mh
  Replies (17) Good night (1210) Bad night (3612)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?

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  (231): OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/ma89
  Replies (80) Good night (2474) Bad night (15603)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.

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  (915): Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me. http://tfl.nu/qov1
  Replies (6) Good night (1260) Bad night (2618)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.

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  (845): Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me. http://tfl.nu/ykh5
  Replies (8) Good night (580) Bad night (1761)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...

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  (832): the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left... http://tfl.nu/9li6
  Replies (7) Good night (684) Bad night (1342)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War

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  (704): If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War http://tfl.nu/ppmx
  Replies (1) Good night (890) Bad night (680)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.

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  (419): I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama. (574): Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts. http://tfl.nu/mgxx
  Replies (1) Good night (1500) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue

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  (303): Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue http://tfl.nu/w6vq
  Replies (3) Good night (484) Bad night (745)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much

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  (647): im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much http://tfl.nu/vzm3
  Replies (6) Good night (340) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.

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  (918): Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have. http://tfl.nu/nuc7
  Replies (0) Good night (231) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night

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  (651): So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night http://tfl.nu/mng4
  Replies (2) Good night (449) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.

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  (786): I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad. http://tfl.nu/o6u0
  Replies (0) Good night (150) Bad night (199)

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