I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you