I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.