I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.