miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied