Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

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  (760): i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them http://tfl.nu/jlgr
  Replies (7) Good night (534) Bad night (1685)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference

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  (248): apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference http://tfl.nu/k6zm
  Replies (33) Good night (6647) Bad night (1252)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

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  (401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever. http://tfl.nu/cy9z
  Replies (197) Good night (10675) Bad night (956)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.

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  (617): his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family. http://tfl.nu/jlgb
  Replies (4) Good night (540) Bad night (3996)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.

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  (406): As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network. http://tfl.nu/cww0
  Replies (19) Good night (5355) Bad night (866)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

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  (508): the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party http://tfl.nu/wsii
  Replies (30) Good night (5919) Bad night (988)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

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  (717): I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better. http://tfl.nu/z41g
  Replies (13) Good night (4519) Bad night (836)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.

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  (920): The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap. http://tfl.nu/xkff
  Replies (8) Good night (600) Bad night (4340)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.

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  (240): It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me. http://tfl.nu/ei1k
  Replies (19) Good night (1597) Bad night (3802)
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.

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  (209): I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting. http://tfl.nu/cws8
  Replies (23) Good night (786) Bad night (3061)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.

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  (412): I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again. http://tfl.nu/ottt
  Replies (5) Good night (366) Bad night (1001)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.

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  (580): The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive. http://tfl.nu/8405
  Replies (7) Good night (1005) Bad night (464)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..

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  (216): Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started.. http://tfl.nu/1p0k
  Replies (9) Good night (1249) Bad night (427)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines

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  (901): Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines http://tfl.nu/paji
  Replies (10) Good night (649) Bad night (278)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend

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  (203): Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend http://tfl.nu/dbv2
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (226)

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