This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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