so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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