THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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