I can text with my tongue
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
