For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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