we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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