I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
