Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
