Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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