whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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