look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
