So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
