We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
