So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
