You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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