I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
