hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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