Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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