I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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