hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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