Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
