I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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