God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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