did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
