You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
