So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
