forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
