That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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