I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
