if you like me you must not know who I am
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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