Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
porn star boner night. come get it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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