What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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