She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize