apparently the secret to your success is patron
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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