So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
