I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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