Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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