just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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