i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she looked like the before picture.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
