She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
