Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
