Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
