I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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