did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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