I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
