I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
