So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
