Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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