i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
