You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
