I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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