Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
