Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
