Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
