toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
bring money and cleavage
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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