it was like eating out sand paper
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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