upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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