How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
