did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
