The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
