DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
