How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
