I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
