I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
