I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
