for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
