Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
