i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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