before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
