the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
